Say What?

Are you confused when I call myself aromantic, asexual, agender, and neutrois? Then you’re in the right place.

The thing about definitions concerning non-heterosexual, non-cisgender identities is that there are very few, if any, that are universally accepted. These are the definitions that I have found work best for me, as well as at least a few others that I’ve spoken to.

Asexual

Very simply, it is a sexual orientation where the person feels no sexual attraction toward anyone, regardless of gender.

Aromantic

As asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, aromanticism is the lack of romantic attraction. Most people have romantic orientations that match their sexual orientations, meaning that their preferred gender(s) for a romantic relationship is the same as their preferred gender(s) for a sexual one. However, some people, both asexual and sexual people alike, don’t have matching sexual and romantic orientations. Mine just happen to match.

Agender

First, a very simplified note on gender identity:

Gender identity is very separate from sexual orientation and from biological sex. People who having matching sexes and genders are called cisgender people; basically, someone who was born with a vagina, was assigned female at birth, and is a girl would be cisgender. People who don’t have a matching sex and gender are transgender; for example, someone who was born with a penis, was assigned male at birth, and is actually a girl. Or someone who was assigned either male or female at birth but is a blend of the two. Or neither. Or a different gender that’s neither male nor female. Or some varied mix of the two. Or something different depending on the day.

I personally identify as agender, meaning that my gender identity is a distinct lack of all gender.

Neutrois

Neutrois is possibly one of the hardest words on this list to understand. Many people call it a gender identity, but I’ve come to think of it as more of a body identity. Essentially, being neutrois means being uncomfortable with a sexed body. I was born with a vagina and breasts, along with the other secondary sexual characteristics that come with XX chromosomes. I am extremely uncomfortable with that and would much rather my body be devoid of primary and secondary sex characteristics.

Now, first instinct for many is to call this agender or, as I’ve seen on other sites, the “transsexual of agender”, but this isn’t necessarily true. I know of many neutrois people who are agender, or who identify solely as neutrois, and that’s their identity. I also know, however, of many neutrois people who do not identify as agender.

If you have any questions, please ask.