A Brief Note on Education

I’ve mentioned before that educating people on LGBTQetc issues is important to me and that I enjoy doing it.

Something important to understand, though, is that that is extremely specific to me.

Educating is hard. I’m aromantic, asexual, agender, and neutrois. People automatically want to know things about that – and they tend to ask questions without considering how invasive or personal or rude they are. Do I masturbate? But I’m in a relationship, how am I aromantic? Do I want The Surgery? (“The Surgery” is a common misconception of medically transitioning using Sexual Reassignment Surgery, which are actually multiple surgeries) Am I sure that I’m not just gay? Am I sure that I’m not just a girl who doesn’t like traditional gender roles? Am I sure I’m not just a trans man? How can I be sure that it’s not just a phase? What does transgender even mean? What does asexual even mean? Are these things even possible for humans? Can I explain every small detail of being trans*/asexual/aromantic?

And even for me, the storm of questions gets tiring. It’s mostly the same generic questions, which I have a spiel to answer, and then some horribly invasive ones.

Now, if this gets tiring for me, someone who enjoys educating, imagine someone who doesn’t like talking about it being asked day after day to explain the same basic concepts that they have discussed a hundred times.

It’s not fair to expect someone to answer your questions just because they’re trans* or ace or aromantic or any identity that’s not heteroromantic heterosexual and cisgender.

You might say, “But if you don’t teach them, how will they learn?” The same way I learned. The same way other trans* and asexual and pansexual and such have learned – Google. Google is your friend. If you search for something basic, like “what is asexuality?” you’ll come up with things that will answer that question. You can find tons of information on the Internet without having to worry. And if you need more information, there are places online (like here) where people will be more than happy to explain. But please, don’t expect someone “different” to answer all of your questions, or even some of them. They’ve probably explained the same thing a hundred thousand times, and that gets really tiring.

Keep in mind that this does not mean that you’re not allowed to ask questions. If someone seems open to explaining, feel free to ask – just make sure you don’t ask anything too invasive unless they’ve explicitly stated, “I don’t mind answering questions about X.” Personally, I’ll answer just about any question. But it’s very important to keep in mind that if you’re heteroromantic, heterosexual, and cisgender, you live in a very different world from people who are not. And they might not want to answer your questions, especially if you don’t pay attention to how you ask them.